the most redic

So the stupidest thing ever is that I just cut my fingernails.

And you know why that's stupid?

Because I know this is the third time I've cut my nails since we broke up.

Seriously? Am I going to think about things like that forever? Will I always count the clippings in reference to that day? I remember cutting them off and going "Oh, here we go, just another piece of me being taken away...."

On another note, Julie hates me now for some reason I can't comprehend. Was it because I tried to take her home that night? Or because I apologized for it?

I've lost almost 25 lbs. I guess being heartsick is good for something. /shrug

Calm.

I missed you like an addiction
shaking for the next spike
sick with desire and
terrible hollow longing

now

I miss you as I miss a warm breeze in winter
the full summer sun warming my bones
the slow rapture of what
you hope for with your eyes closed

and have to believe will come again.

no stranger

I'm no stranger to despair
we're tight
head bob up
not a slow nod
we're on speaking terms
sharing a beer at closing time
putting a extra 5 on the tab
for dealing
for things unsaid
for the 20 your gonna owe me
tomorrow

death

I guess I've finally accepted it.

Apparently you do know what you want. A 21 year old replacement.

I can't believe that you threw it all away.

I don't want you back.