Everyone has one of these...

On Friday, I took time off work so I could get to the DMV and have my license renewed. For which I paid $50. (RIPOFF) In my rush to get the hell out of there, I forgot my sunglasses. They're prescription, and fairly expensive, plus, I'm kind of attached to them.

I call the number the DMV website says to, and this ancient person answers the phone in a creaky almost whisper. No way to determine gender. Thinking that I've reached the Dover Point Sta ton, I start to explain, and it cuts me off with "This is Concord. You'd have to talk to the folks down at the Dover Point Station" It proceeds to explain that speaking to them is impossible, because there's only three lines, and they're tied up.

I struggle with this concept. It's 2008. How are there only three phone lines at an government office that's supposed to serve the ENTIRE STATE OF NEW HAMPSHIRE?

"You'll have to go down there and talk to them." is The Mummy's only, useless, advice. I thank it and hang up, because the tone coming out of my earpiece easily conveys: "Three phone lines is the very end of my capability, asking for any problem solving on my part will confuse and frighten me, and infuriate you." So I let it go.

I called 4 other numbers, with similar, and in one case, creepy results. Once, I got a recorded message, and when I pressed zero for the operator, a weird robot voice informed me that no one could help me. Receiving a condemnation that terse and final from a recording at a government agency was kind of startling. "Wow," I thought, "even their robots are bitter, disagreeable jerks."

So, as usual, I finally get a person on the phone with a tiny slice of wit when I'm at the very end of my patience and endurance, and it shows. She explains the situation to me like the others, saying there's no way to call that office, because all the lines are diverted to Concord. At this point, I snap.

"Listen, your office hours there are a pain in the ass. I'm not taking time off of work to drive all the way up there when a phone call can settle this for me. I JUST WANT TO KNOW IF THEY'RE THERE! How do YOU get in touch with them, if there's no phones there?"

A pause. "I can call them for you?"

Ah, ok, I think, ok ok. Calm.

"That would be awesome, thank you."

Apparently only one out of five clerks at the DMV are capable of:

A) thinking

B) using a phone

The lack of killing sprees at DMV offices is actually kind of surprising. I can't imagine choosing the USPS as the outlet for my psychotic death rampage when the DMV is sitting there, just asking for it.