Disk cleanup.

Running on my machine right now, nothing else really to do except update this here whatever this is.

I had a damaging conversation on Wednesday, and I fixed it right up with a cheezburger at ruby tuesdays. I was thinking about them all day, and I haven't had a burger in like... months, so it was extra satisfying. Plus, I get a hankering for that salad bar every so often, it's really good.

Oh, I know, that's terribly exciting. I know you wanted to know how much satisfaction I found in my buffalo burger. /fascinated

Something that is interesting and possibly awesome to other people/my future self, is that I've lost a ton of lbs, and I'm on a demanding but awesome gym routine that I really enjoy and will stick with.

I've realized that I love lifting. Love it. 3 days a week, 2 days of what Tina calls 'active recovery' where you just steady cardio, no crazy intervals or anything. It's really great, I'm never bored, and I actually look forward to getting to the gym and sweating out the shit of the day.

It's nuts how you have to force yourself to get motivated.... so you can be motivated. It's like what Julie's been saying since the breakup: "Fake it till it's real". It's really true. If you have to do something that seems impossible, just fake it. Fake that you feel nothing, fake that you have the motivation to do something, fake that you're in control.

Eventually, you realize that it just happened, without you even knowing it, without really even trying. You just pretended your way past a bad breakup, into a weight loss program that works, and through a mental breakdown. When you finally come to your senses, you realize that maybe all that trauma was necessary. Healthy even.

Hmn. I'll be considering this.